Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Growing Forward

I got pregnant with my first child just three months into our marriage. I thought I wasn't ready. I totally freaked out. My mom freaked out even more. She thought she was too young to be a grandma guysss. 

Little did I know then, although we didn't plan it, it was exactly what we needed. We needed to grow up. Indeed He is The Best Planner.

Having a child will drive you crazy. But it will also drive you forward. The old you will die in labor and you will be reincarnated as a better person. Selfless, motivated, focused. Waking up in the morning will be purposeful. And you don't want to be slacking because every moment counts and there's no turning back once a grief mistake is done. But be as careful with the small overlooked mistakes as well because if left uncorrected, they can leave a huge impact on both your child and you.

My firstborn is turning three soon which also means my third anniversary as a mother is just around the corner. I'm not even going to hide my excitement because becoming a mom (and still surviving) is my proudest achievement. And as expected, yes, I have started brainstorming and planning Mr. A's birthday gathering. It's more fun now because we can plan together as he's big enough to make his own choices of themes and cakes among others. His current interests include dinosaurs, trains & cars, Oddbods and Ultraman. No the last one won't even make it to the discussion table. I'm not pleased with the value or rather the lack of it the show brings.

Talking about shows and being a parent, I can't help but to worry about what he watches and the influences he's absorbing. I mean have you watched the cartoons and programs showed on TV these days? That idiot box is such a culprit even us adults get easily carried away and we should cut down on it! But it's really hard to control our kids and get them away from the screen isn't it? It's so easy to surrender and let the tele babysit them. What do we do when they are old enough for social media?  

But I think the bigger question is: How do we control ourselves from too much screens? I feel so sorry for our kids of today's generation for having technology savvy parents who are constantly having the need to be on their gadgets either for work purposes or for some leisure time. 

I guess when you are a mom or at least for an over-thinking one like me, you are always contemplating the cause and effect of your actions. Even the outfits I put on these days are determined by my children - whether they are coming with me or otherwise. Only nursing friendly tops when Miss A is following. No flowy skirts. No heels, definitely. How on earth do you expect me to run after my energetic toddler wearing 5inches? Haha.

Anyways we do what we can to better ourselves as parents and individuals. I hope to continuously improve myself not just in terms of gadget addictions but also in other expects especially my knowledge and practice as a Muslim. After all our children follow our actions, not instructions. What's a greater way to nurture excellent Muslims other than leading them by example from young? We start with ourselves, from within. InshaAllah may Allah ease our struggles and protect our children.

Don't worry I totally get this motherhood thing, juggling them both just fineee!!SAYS NO MOM EVER

May it please Allah.

Lots of love,

Monday, September 5, 2016

Being There

What do you remember from your childhood?
The taste of your favourite cake?
The smell of your mother's hair?
The sound of your own laughter high up in the air?

We remember how we felt. Both joy and pain. Packed in a box at the back of our minds, carried along with every step we take through the years we live.

As a child of a working mom, I didn't remember her hours of absence during the day or moments I had to play with the helper, but rather the feelings I experienced when I spent time with her. I remembered the warmth of security, assurance and comfort provided through our quality time together, albeit discounted short mostly. I wanted more time with her, but I understood she had to do what she had to in order to provide us with the best.

But in that short moment, the joyful memories are embedded in my mind. Something I fall back on and brought back to especially in moments of longing and difficulties. These feelings stayed with me through my journey growing up and to this day.

Reflecting on this, made me took many conscious decisions in order to have more time with my children. Not just being physically there, but being actively involved and present emotionally, mentally too. I didn't leave my full time job to let the idiot box babysit my Precious Two.

SO I self-imposed this rule onto myself; the requirement to spend uninterrupted quality time with my children every day. One on one with each of them, and also both of them together at the same time to create that sibling bond. When one is sleeping, I will play with the other one. No screen for any of us. TV's off, HP's away. I'm imposing the rule on my dear husband too. It's even more important for him to have full focus during our playtime because he's at work during the day. If it's not our children's laughter that heals our exhausted mind, what else will?

I believe if we can gain their trust from their early days by being interested and encouraging in whatever they do, it would make it easier for them to open up later on especially during their hormonal teenage years where things can take a sharp turn. We've been there, thinking that our parents didn't care and had no idea what we were going through. Thing is we just didn't know we needed their help. We caved in and shut them out.

I don't want that for us. I want my children to know I will be there for them, with them through every weird pimples, heartbreaks and falls. Whether they want it, like it or not, this mom is going to be there!

Coz I'm obsessed like that, kids. And you have no choice. I will let you make mistakes and learn the hard way when you have to. But at the end of the day, I will be there to wipe your tears and lift you up again. Because I didn't risk my life bringing you into this world to give up on you. I'm a mother. This is what I do. I fix things.

May it please Allah.


Friday, September 2, 2016

Buah Hati Penyerang Jantung

Soon to be three, he's so talkative it's interesting to see where our conversations go. Undoubtedly everyday he will surprise me either with his growing ability and intelligence or by simply giving me heart attacks and stretching my patience haha. But we're both learning in our own ways. So I'm going to enjoy these fleeting moments and the luxury of being the person he's most obsessed with! 

Swear my kids implanted a censor on me while they were in my womb! My boy can sense the moment I get off the bed or leave the room! The little one will open her eyes to take a peek whether I'm still next to her or otherwise. It's both flattering and suffocating at the same time especially when I have urgent matters to tend to. 

But the clock is ticking. I keep reminding myself. The bad times shall end and the good times will pass like a breeze. Joyful memories and special moments stay with us forever. Soon before I know it, he will have his own friends, girlfriend (when you're forty, right?) and family. And I'm no longer his number one! So Ummi's going to appreciate the present and smother you with all the love in the world as much as I can, baby!

Ummi loves you dearly, son.

May it please Allah.


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Double Trouble

As a person who could hardly keep pets alive as a child, I wake up every morning thanking God for trusting me with my two beautiful children. The second time as a mom, I'm much calmer and not as clueless. But that doesn't discount any worries I have regarding my children's wellbeing. 

So how does it feel being a mother of two you ask?

It's tiring, exhausting, exasperating. I get one third the sleep I used to have, half the time I had for myself and just a quarter of the bed for me, literally!

Attending one child is challenging enough. Try giving attention to a breastfed baby who enjoys her free flow milk a little too much on top of a very active toddler who is taking every chance he gets to toss something at the sister!

It has been almost four months and I am still struggling to be fair to both, giving adequate attention and spending uninterrupted bonding time one on one with each of them. Some days it's just like the heaven and universe conspire to give me a wonderful day in my world of motherhood. Some other days, all hell breaks loose! I feel like pulling my head off and I'm not even kidding!

But with all the overwhelming chaos and crazy tantrums, comes double joy and a million more buckets of love!

I believe other than our unconditional love, the best gift we can give our children is time. Live in the present and enjoy every moment. I have exceptionally good days and I have terribly bad days. 

One of my favourite motherhood mantras that helps me survive every meltdown is 
"The clock is ticking. Time, both good and bad will pass. So appreciate every second".

Now to all mothers let's put our superhero cape on and continue doing what we do best!

May you two grow to be the best in Your Master's eyes.

May it please Allah.


Tuesday, April 26, 2016

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."

I never knew one could love someone so much that you become both fearless and fearful at the same time. The day I became a mother I was reborn as a new person. So selfless until I almost lose myself.

When you are mother, you become fearless enough to wrestle a lion. You promise to guard your children against every possible thing that could harm them. But at the same time you are also fearful of all the threats the world pose. They will grow up and away from you no matter how much you dread that moment. But you love them anyway, in every way you know and could.

As a mom I like to reflect on my childhood days. What I thought of as a child, what I wanted and expected from my own parents, how I viewed the world. 

I guess when you become a parent yourself you will try to provide what you feel you lacked as a child. Some parents worked really hard to provide a good life for their family because they grew up in hardship. Some parents pushed their children academically because they didn't have much opportunities to enjoy education. Some, like me, try their best to ensure their kids never feel alone.

I don't want my kids to think they come second, ever. Not to my career, not to my phone, not to anything. 

It's hard being a mother, really.
You want to be everything, you want to give anything, you want to do all the things.
You want to lift mountains, you want to hold up the sky, you want to pick the stars.

But you are also a person. A woman of your own.
Not just a source of milk. Not just a cook. Not just a housekeeper.

I have to be constantly reminded; 'Never lose yourself'.

My children don't need a perfect mother. They need a happy one!

And to husbands, a happy wife makes a happy life!

May it please Allah.


Please Watch Redha!

If you are a parent with an autistic child, please go watch Redha. You will gain more strength and courage, knowing you are not alone. You will feel proud of yourself for the outstanding amount of patience you possess and be even more grateful to have been blessed with an 'anak syurga'.

If you are a parent, please go watch Redha. You will be thankful for your children and appreciate them even more. You will learn to read the 'clues' of autism and may you have the strength to face the reality if you discover something different about your child.

If you are single, soon to be married or soon to be parents, please go watch Redha. You will have a glimpse into parenthood and be prepared for the worst. You will learn to accept anything and everything that comes with your child.

If you are a teacher, babysitter or caretaker, please go watch Redha. You will learn how to help identify the different behavioural patterns. You will stop discrimination at educational institutions. You will offer more support and assistance to the child and parents.

If you are an extended member of a family with an autistic child, please go watch Redha. You will learn to be more understanding, avoid giving painful remarks and be more helpful.

If you are a member of the society, please go watch Redha. You will learn more about Autism and prevent yourself from being judgmental. You will help create a more receptive environment for the child and family.

If you are human, please go watch Redha. You will appreciate life as it is more. And when things don't turn the way you wish, you will learn to accept and embrace it... Redha.

Redha is a film for everyone with a universal message. So everyone should go watch it!

Thank you Tunku Mona Riza for a beautiful piece. It's not just a story about an autistic child. It's a story about life, with simple straightforward plots, the right dose of wit & humour and heart wrenching play of emotions.  

And congratulations Harith Haziq for an impressive performance!

Thursday, April 14, 2016

"I can't remember the reason why I started blogging. If there is even a reason to begin with. Suddenly blogging makes me feel naked. Stripping my thoughts and emotions bare in front of people. People I know, people I don't know. People who think they know me. People who wants to know me. 
Naked. That is not a good feeling. The last time I was naked in public was probably the day I came out of my mum's uterus."

I wrote these words on January 12th 2010 and since that A LOT of things have happened. Well nothing major you know - I got engaged, I dived into the media industry, I got married, I got my own place, I revived my biz, I popped out two kids. Just that! HAHA

Looking back and scrolling through every post ever written in this blog makes me go "What on earth was I thinking??" probably a hundred times and so many "OMG I was so poyo!!" moments. It is hilarious to read through my own mind for the past few years and reflect on my growth, how much I have changed, for the better of course. My priorities are clearly different today, but my urge to write down my thoughts and spill out words onto this page somehow remains the same.

As a very reflective person and at times neurotic, I always blog 'imaginarily' but never had the time to type it all properly. I hope this time around I will be more disciplined in finding the opportunity to keep this space from being abandoned again. In all honesty I like the idea of blogging as it is actually a way to 'empty' my rush of thoughts and a good way to document memories, all those important moments and milestones. And for a higher purpose, I hope this humble page will help inspire others in its own small way, especially my children - a way for them to know their mother from her younger days as a person, not the dictator that feeds them and track down their early days too. All the drools, snots and whatnots. Surely it will all be recorded kids!

Speaking of inspirations, what triggered me to finally update Hidden Jewels is a few surprising comments and messages from my readers who said they miss reading this blog! I will work my best not to disappoint you and I hope we will all learn something from each other.

May it please Allah.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

One more

What I find more admirable than a knowledgable person is a person who is in constant search for knowledge, with the awareness that intelligence increase together with humility. 

And that is exactly the kind of person you are, always humble despite of your achievements. I'm so proud of your latest milestone and I know you will achieve even more in the future. 

Now that you have everything, I pray that soon you will find yourself in the hands of an equally wonderful person who will guide and guard you always with all the love in the world that you deserve.

Have a blessed 27th birthday, Kakak!

Lots of love,
M + Baby W

Friday, September 13, 2013

Hang in there

And just like that, I've never been so selfless. I was ready for all the pain although I didn't know how much was coming. All I wanted and prayed for amidst my painful cringes was for you to be alright, for you to be strong and well. 

I thought I have grown enough love for you as you grow inside me. Never have I been so wrong. Today I know for sure that my love for you will know no boundaries, that it will grow around the world and back. 

I can't wait to see you too, love. But for now please stay safe in there. Never mind me, for I am willing to go through all the pain in the world, as long as you don't have to. 

2.25 am, 110913
Labour room 

Friday, February 22, 2013

Adrenaline Love

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."

And I've never seen two people love each other so strongly as them both. 
This picture tells it all. 

When you've watched a couple's journey from the very beginning, witnessing their solemnization ceremony gives you this particular adrenaline rush of happiness and satisfaction. The satisfaction of watching two people who are so dear to you become one and the feeling of humility towards God's Greatness in uniting two souls.

I watched their love blossom from co-stars to each other's only star. In the early stage, he would bug me everyday to get updates about her. Sometimes, in the middle of the night he would call and harass me to dig more information. He's such a good researcher it amazed me. I've never seen someone so 'hardworking' to get the girl he wants. Thank God she's now all his, making all the harassment worth it for me.

She is one of the kindest person I know and she's my go-to person when I need an opinion or simply just to share anything that's going on in my head. I've seen her thru heartbreaks, struggles and triumphs. My memory also happens to be full of her clumsy and embarrassing moments, but lets cut her some slack just this once because its her special day and she's the queen. 

This lady is so full of positivity, MashaAllah, it rubs on you when you're with her! I'm so happy that she finally got the happiness she deserves. The tougher the trials they face, the stronger their love became. Watching them both reaffirms me that being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Strength and courage are indeed what they give each other. 

We pray that they will continuously be each other's strength and source of courage in a blessed and blissful union until the Hereafter.

Both their solemnization and reception event were beautifully done and their marriage will surely continue to carry such beauty.

As for ours, it definitely deserves a LENGHTY post of its own ;)
or probably in RANDOM PARTS coz babe, I now have wifely duties to do, okay!
*pick up laundry basket*

Fortunately she's more advance in updating on our day, so here goes.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Four Wives


There was a rich merchant who had four wives. He loved the fourth wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best. He also loved the third wife very much. He was very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his fr
iends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men. He too, loved his second wife. She was a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his second wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times. Now, the merchant's first wife was a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her. 

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have four wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!" Thus, he asked the fourth wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the fourth wife and she walked away without another word. The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart.

The sad merchant then asked the third wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the third wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold. He then asked the second wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the second wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll live with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives. The fourth wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll never live with us when we die. Our third wife? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others. The second wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave. 

Bottom line; "The first wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure. Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our death-bed to lament."

Monday, October 22, 2012

Noun: An amount of space between two things or people.

But love, care and du'a transcends space,
while admiration and respect surpass time.

Distance is just a state of mind, 
and with a warm heart I send you my best wishes and prayers.

May He always keep you in His embrace, safe and calm and wise,
so you will continue to inspire like you have always do.

Have a blessed 26th birthday Kakak :)

Monday, July 2, 2012



Twenty four hours. That is all we get. So I promised myself to make every minute count. Determined not to spend a second on something or someone unworthy. To the trash all non-constructive thoughts. I have to say I've succeed. These past few months have been wonderful and I am more than grateful for every bit of it. 

I entered the year with no expectation but half way through it I find myself content and complete, often humbled by His 'cheeky' way of pulling me closer and closer. Three to four years ago even the smallest mishap would stress me. I was a hardheaded go-getter that didn't allow myself any mistake. How silly I was, not to realize that it is through mistakes one grow. 

And now here I am, taking a day at a time, with not much expectation but just constant determination to give my best. If a thing or two don't go my way, I'll get excited, smiling up to Him wondering what's in store. Because through out all these years, in the bleakest of time, all that He has taken away, He replaced with better ones beyond my belief. And for everything that came my way, for each thing that is gone, for everyone that I have with me now and for each person that left, I am beyond grateful. 

Twenty four is the age where I am transitioning in every aspect. From my personal life to my career path. I'm doing it a little different this time. Instead of a whimsical get together with many friends at once, I celebrated it intimately with closed ones that truly matters with full gratitude. For a change, I gave Mum a gift in return for all the love she has showered me with. I will miss seeing her everyday because that will change in a few months time. I shall force myself to end this post before I dwell in my homesickness which has begun even before I move out of the house. 

 Alhamdulillah, I am very happy. I hope you are too.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Friday, November 11, 2011


Once as the Prophet s.a.w was sitting in a room with ‘Aisha r.a. fixing his shoes, ‘Aisha happened to look to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. Mesmerized by the majesty of that sight she remained transfixed staring at him long enough for him to notice.
The Prophet ṣ.a.w said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam asked, “What did he say?” She replied,
“Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.”
So the Prophet ṣ.a.w got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said,
Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more.”